Empathy and Validation in Customer Service

Over the last 28 years of my life, I've learned some valuable skills for maintaining relationships. Interpersonal communication is perceived as such a natural thing that us social creatures are just programmed with. However, when you really evaluate the intricacies of communication, you'll realize just how complex it is!

Two of the greatest skills I've learned with interpersonal communication are empathy and validation. So what is empathy and validation? Let's take a look at the textbook definitions:

Empathy - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Validation -  to recognize, establish, or illustrate the worthiness or legitimacy of.

Though I'm working on a programming degree, I've got ten years of customer service under my belt. I've dealt with all types of customers - the meek ones, the aggressive one, and those that gradually make the transition from one state to another during the course of contact. The two skills mentioned above have been total game changers, and have given me more power to steer the interaction. I'll give some examples. 

How does one empathize? On the other hand, how does one lack empathy? Everyone has been in the position of a customer. For example, your internet service isn't working. You've tried troubleshooting everything on your end, but no luck. So what do you do? You call the dreaded ISP. You know you're going to be on the phone for the next hour, being transferred from one person to the next. You follow the prompts, you talk to a person who isn't exactly listening to you, but following their own script. You get placed on hold, suffering from entertainment-withdraw. Maybe your internet service is fixed, maybe they tell you to reinstall Windows. Overall, these interactions tend to leave a bad taste in your mouth. 

Now, you know what that feeling is like. Take that experience, and switch the roles around. Now you are the ISP support tech. You've gone through the same experience as the person on the other end of the line. Take that experience and apply it to the current exchange. Now, in comes validation!

The customer has been transferred and placed on hold, with no real progress being made over the last 30 minutes. The customer is hot now, irate, maybe even yelling a bit. This is where you validate their feelings! Tell the customer, "I completely understand how frustrated you are. I've been in the same place as you, I've been on hold for awhile. You're wondering if you'll ever get to talk to a real person who can actually fix your problem! It kind of makes you feel hopeless, I definitely get that." When you validate the feelings of the customer, you now have the power to win them over to your side.

There is usually a disconnect on the phone - neither end feels like a real person, just a voice coming over the line. When you empathize and then validate the customer, suddenly they become a real living human being! And guess what? So do you. You're no longer Joe Tech Support. You're Dawn Myers, some gal working support who has a few hours left in her shift, and is eager to relax. 

Empathy and validate have, in my experience, decreased the frustration of the customer, and brings them back to a sane level. Let them yell at you, let them vent, let them be upset! Let them, because that's how they feel, and you know how it feels too. Then validate those feelings. Let them know that you've experienced the same thing, the same feelings, and that's why you're so eager to fix their problem. 

These two skills have a perk outside of the work place. The people you interact with everyday become a little more friendly, a little more human. You see a person with some bad habits, who has made questionable life decisions. You don't look at them and scoff. You think behind the scenes, what got them to this point? You begin to show empathy to the person, because - just like the customer - they're another human being too. 

It's important to remember that we're all human. Sometimes it's hard, especially when you're being yelled at. That guy on the line though has their own little world, and you're just barely glimpsing into it. Bring the person back into interpersonal relationships!